


Painless

by NiennorNight (Niennor_Night)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, BookSpoilers, Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Summaries, M/M, Post 511 Book!Malec, Romance, angsty angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-27 07:40:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9983243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niennor_Night/pseuds/NiennorNight
Summary: It's a morning like any other. Or so Izzy thinks. Soon she realises that something is very wrong with Alec, and she is determined to find out what it is and fix it.[Set after that event we don't talk about in City of Lost Souls, a different take from that point on.]





	1. Something's wrong

"Good morning!" Alec said cheerfully, entering the kitchen and grabbing a piece of toast, humming under his breath.

If they weren't inside the institute and it wasn't morning, Izzy would have attacked him, mistaking him for some shape-shifting demon. But they were, so she just looked at him shocked, as if he had picked up a spider and was eating it, instead of a piece of bread.

"Alec? Are you okay?" She asked, staring intently at him, after getting over the initial shock and finding her voice again.

"Yeah." He smiled. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Izzy stared harder, trying to detect a lie in his words but found nothing. "No reason…" She lied, baffled.

"Actually," he added surprising her even more, "I've never felt better. Isn't it a beautiful day?"

She looked outside the window, at the too-bright sun entering the kitchen, and frowned. Alec absolutely **_loathed_** it when it was **_that_** sunny.

"I guess…?"

He smiled again, turning away and she kept looking at him, studying him. He was ** _too_** cheerful, and even looked healthier. Like he had finally gotten a good night's sleep and a good meal. _'Something's wrong…'_ She thought.

**~o~**

Now, one may wonder why in Heaven's name would the fact that Alec seemed healthy and happy, be wrong, and why would his sister, who loved him more than anything, be disturbed by it.

It was wrong, very wrong, for one simple reason. The last time she had seen him, no more than 15 hours ago, he was **_anything_** but happy and healthy.

Let's start at the beginning.

When he got together with Magnus months ago, she was so happy for him. He was finally being true to himself, he was finally free. She had never seen him as happy as Magnus made him, and was extremely grateful to the Warlock for that.

Until everything went to Hell.

For the past month her big brother had been a shadow of himself. Since Magnus broke up with him, he would barely eat or sleep and even if he kept saying he was fine, the lie was too blatant to be believed. Not when they all could see the way Alec was wasting away day by day, getting worse with time, instead of getting better.

And now suddenly, he appeared before her, smiling genuinely, the way he did when he was with Magnus, not just pretending to be happy, his eyes no longer dull and devoid of life. Not to mention the fact that he was eating. She'd spend half the past month, begging him to **_eat something_** , to stop doing this to himself, and all she had gotten out of him was a lifeless 'I'm not hungry'.

She **_did_** briefly consider the possibility that Magnus may have taken him back, but swiftly dismissed the idea. She was certain they weren't back together, because Alec wouldn't be at the Institute if they had, but back at Magnus' loft, making up for the lost time.

She **_was_** happy that Alec seemed better, but she knew it wasn't normal. People, and especially Shadowhunters, and even more so, Alec, wouldn't get over losing the love of their life in a span of fifteen measly hours. Not when a month had already passed and they had shown no sign of improvement. _'Something happened last night, and I'm going to find out what it was.'_

**~o~**

"So… Alec. How did it go yesterday?"

He turned to look at her craning his head to the side, not understanding. "Yesterday? What happened yesterday?"

"Magnus." She said, staring at his face trying to detect every little change. "You went to talk to him. How did it go?"

"Oh." Alec said shrugging, not even looking a little upset. "He didn't answer the door. He doesn't want to see me again."

Izzy stared at him not believing her ears. "What?"

He only shrugged again. "Sucks I know. But what can you do? Too bad though, I really liked him."

"You really liked him…" She quoted, disbelief colouring her voice before almost shouting. " ** _You really liked him?_** "

"Well yeah." He said unbaffled by her tone. "He's a pretty cool guy. Gorgeous too."

She was left gaping at him. _'What the hell is wrong with you?'_ She almost asked before an idea occurred to her.

"Alexander." She said, testing his reaction. Nothing. He just looked at her waiting for her to go on. If there was any doubt in her mind before, it was gone now. Since the breakup, whenever someone called her brother by his full name he would flinch and look pained, (even more so than usual) like they'd hit him. That null reaction wasn't 'normal', given the circumstances.

"Alec…"

"Yes?"

"What is my middle name?"

"Sophia."

"What demons aren't extinct enough?"

"Dragonidae."

"What was Max's middle name?" She asked, gritting her teeth. Even talking about him, hurt.

"Joseph." Alec responded not batting an eye.

"It **_is_** you…" She muttered. "I don't understand… Are you sure you didn't meet Magnus yesterday?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not." She said and turned to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"To have a talk with your ex. Don't wait up." Izzy only told him and left.

**~o~**


	2. Trivial

Izzy headed straight to Brooklyn, to Magnus' loft. She didn't bother ringing the bell, instead used an opening rune on the ‘street’ door that wasn't magically protected, and ran up the stairs. She was about to knock, but once she touched it, the door opened. Her Shadowhunter instincts kicked in and she grabbed her whip, ready to use it if needed, and slowly walked inside, worried about Magnus despite everything that happened.

The loft was in a state of disarray, but not as if there had been an attack, and she relaxed a little. A small fluffy creature ran up to her meowing desperately and she realised it was just Chairman Meow. As the kitten kept meowing at her, asking for something she couldn't understand, she heard him.

“Shut up Chairman… Food isn't all that matters in the world.” A blue light shone briefly and the cat ran towards it, leaving Izzy alone once more.

She closed the door and walked to the living room where she saw Magnus lying on the couch, hugging a pillow.

She could hardly recognise him. There was no trace of makeup on his face and his hair was unstyled. She remembered Alec's words to her once, that he was even more beautiful without all the makeup on, but it was hard to see that beauty now. Magnus' cat-eyes were red and swollen and he looked like he hadn't slept or eaten in days. He was in even worse shape than Alec was before that day.

“Magnus?” She whispered and he slowly turned to look at her, not seeming to be surprised or care that she was there. “What happened to you?”

He laughed mirthlessly at that. “I wonder…” He only said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Don’t get sassy with me Magnus. Especially when you look moments away from falling apart.”

“I’m fine.”

“Sure. And I’m a pixie.”

“What do you want Isabelle?” He sighed.

“I want to know what you did.” She said, cutting to the chase immediately.

However, Magnus wouldn’t have that. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t play dumb with me! You know **_exactly_** what I’m talking about!”

He looked away, sighing again. “I did what had to be done.”

“Magnus. **_What did you do_?” **

“I corrected the consequences of my mistake. Everyone can be happy now…” Magnus said lifelessly once more, dancing around her question, never truly answering.

“You don't look happy to me…” Izzy commented.

“What does it matter? I'm used to it anyway. I mean who could…” He stopped talking, shaking his head.

“Who could, **what** Magnus?”

“It doesn't matter.”

“Of course it does. Who could **_what_**?” She insisted.

“Who could **_love me,_** Isabelle!” He snapped, too tired and too pained to keep his emotions in check. “Who could love someone, some ** _thing_**  like me? A cursed being, a demon-!” He shook his head, dismissing his own words. “You know what? Forget it. As I said, it doesn’t matter. What are you doing here? Alexander is fine, you don't have to worry anymore, neither curse me for breaking his heart.”

“That's **_exactly_** why I'm here. Alec **shouldn't** be fine. Because, to answer your question, **_he_** could love you. He **_does_** love you. I know he still does despite whatever you did to make him act like a cheerful carefree idiot.”

“I didn’t do anything.” He insisted on lying.

“Really? Then, pray tell… How do you know he's fine? He told me you didn't meet yesterday.”

Magnus bit his lip looking guilty of withholding something. “It doesn't matter. As long as he's okay…”

“He shouldn't **_be_** okay!” Izzy half yelled at him. “He lost the **_love of his life_**!”

“You’re exaggerating… I’m sure he’ll find someone else in no time at all.” The Warlock said pained.

“He doesn’t want anyone else. All he wants is **you**.”

He just shook his head looking away. “That can’t be true.”

“Do you seriously believe that? I thought you were smarter than that.”

Magnus only shrugged, saying nothing, sinking deeper into the couch, squeezing the pillow on his chest.

"You keep dodging everything I say. You two love each other!”

"It doesn't matter…"

"Of course it does! Nothing else matters! If you love each other you can solve anything! You can get through everything! **Together.** "

He just stared at her, not saying a word, his cat eyes anguished.

"Magnus…" She said softer. "Don't do this… You are only prolonging your suffering. You two are made for each other. You **_belong_** together. You know I'm right, so stop denying it and lying to yourself. Unless you really don't love him anymore." She added though she could clearly tell this wasn't the case. "I don't know about you, but Alec can never be truly happy again. Not without you… If you are happy the way things are now and are not willing to give him a second chance, I guess he was right all along. He was just a fling for you. A line in your long story, soon to be forgotten." She said trying to trigger him, to get a reaction.

It was all in vain though, as Magnus just stared into space frozen, still hugging the pillow tightly, and she sighed getting up. "Guess I can't blame you. We mortals must seem so trivial and fleeting to someone like you. Goodbye Magnus."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: "Sacrifice"


	3. Sacrifice

Izzy was halfway to the door when his voice stopped her. “ **Wait**.”

“Why?” She asked turning to look at him again. “It’s obvious you don’t want to talk. If you told me what you did, I might have been able to help. But now…”

“You can’t help me…”

“Try me.”

"Fine.” He said looking up, some fire back in his eyes. “You wanna know what I did? I did **two** stupid things. The one I regretted immediately… The other… the other wasn't even stupid actually. And I will never regret it even if it kills me."

“Be clearer please.” She said crossing her arms over her chest. “I can guess what the first thing was. But what about the second?”

“It doesn’t matter…”

“I’ve lost count of how many times I heard that today!” She finally snapped. “It **matters,** so just tell me!”

"I **_told_**  you already! I fixed my mistake. He is happy now, **that's**  the only thing that matters."

“You didn't fix **anything**! The only way to fix your mistake would be to take him back!"

Magnus dropped his eyes shaking his head.

“Magnus! He loves you! And by the looks of you, you love him too!”

“What's wrong with my looks?" He said trying to change the subject and sound lighthearted, but failing miserably. "I'm magnificent…"

"Right. You are a magnificent mess about to collapse… You look like you're barely surviving… It's not normal."

He snorted.

"Magnus…" Izzy sighed. "I mean it. I've seen heartbreak before. That's not normal. You're acting like someone died."

"Don't tell me how to be heartbroken." He half-snapped at her.

"I **_saw_** you heartbroken before today… And it wasn't **_that_** bad. What happened to you? It's as if your pain got doubled!"

Magnus raised his eyes at her for a moment surprised, before dropping them again hastily.

“Oh. **OH.** " She whispered, the pieces clicking together. "Magnus… What have you done?"

"So many questions…" He sighed.

"Is it possible?" She asked ignoring his half-hearted try to avoid the question. "Can you take away someone's pain like that?"

"No." Magnus finally said. "You cannot. Pain is like energy. It cannot be erased."

"Only transferred…" Izzy muttered and he nodded, dropping his head exhausted. She looked at him and remembered the way Alec looked this morning. Genuinely happy and carefree, not even Max’s death shadowing his smile. “High Warlock or not, you messed up.” She said and Magnus looked up at her anxiously.

“Messed up?” He asked worriedly. “Did something happen to him? Is he alright?”

Izzy sighed patting his head gently. It was crystal clear he loved Alec, so why was he being so stubborn? “You took **_all_** of his pain Magnus.” She explained. “Even about Max! You can’t live like that. It’s too much!”

“Oh.” The Warlock muttered, understanding, before shaking his head. “That’s okay. It’s the least I can do.”

“Magnus… You can’t survive this. All this pain will destroy you.” She tried to talk him out of it again.

He shook his head slowly, staring at the wall, seeing nothing. “I’m more than 400 years old Isabelle. I’ve had more than my fair share of pain. I’ve lived in agony before, and I can do it again. And even if I can’t, it’s okay. Sacrificing my life for his happiness would be more than worth it.”

“Magnus!”

“You don’t have to worry.” He said before she could add anything else. “His pain will die with me, it won’t return to him. He won’t…” He swallowed the lump in his throat, struggling to hold back tears. “He won’t even know I’m gone. Won’t care…” His voice broke but he still held the tears back, stubbornly. “Even if he hears I died… He won’t care… No one will.”

She couldn’t take it anymore. No matter what happened between him and Alec, she loved Magnus like a brother too, and couldn’t bear to just stand there and watch him suffer.

She wrapped her arms around him tightly, and he gasped softly not expecting the gesture, but then he hugged her back, hiding his face in her hair, trembling.

“I’m not worried about Alec right now.” She told him petting his hair softly. “I’m worried about you. You stupid Warlock. No one will be happy if you disappear.”

“Alec…”

“Alec is stupidly happy about everything right now, even the stupid weather so he doesn’t count!” She snapped. “And you **know** he hates weather like that!”

Magnus laughed softly, a laugh wet with tears and she pretended not to notice in order to let his pride survive unscathed. Though she doubted he cared about that at all.

“Please Magnus… Was what he did so terrible? So unforgivable?”

“It was.” He said surprising her, and she let go to look at him. “But I have forgiven him anyway.”

“Then why?” She asked. “Why not take him back? Why prolong the suffering of you both? You do love him. Right?” She added because even though she could clearly see he did, it didn’t make sense to love him and still stay away despite forgiving him.

“Of course I love him.” He said. “I love him more than I have ever loved anyone before in my life.”

She stared at him, taken aback. She **_knew_** Magnus loved her brother, but hadn’t truly realised the extent of his love up until now. “I don’t get it.” She muttered. “If he really is important to you. If you love him that much, why?”

Magnus dropped his eyes, pained. “At first it was because of what he did. I never thought Alec could betray me like that. It hurt unbearably to be proven wrong. And then, after I realised why he did it, and that he may not have betrayed me after all…” He trailed off.

“Then what?”

“I was scared. Terrified. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I would have never forgiven **_anyone_** else, for what Alec did. But a look at his face the next time I saw him was all it took for me to reconsider. Loving someone that much is taking away your free will. Is giving them the power to shatter your heart with a snap of their fingers. Alec has already done it once. And I still don’t care. No matter how many times he’d shatter it, I’d pick up the pieces and offer them to him. Because my heart will always be his. But I can’t. I shouldn’t live like that.”


	4. The reason

She was frozen, looking at him overwhelmed. “He won’t **_ever_** do it again Magnus. I don’t know what happened, but I know he’d rather die than hurt you again. I’ve seen the way it broke him to be apart from you. I could hear him cry himself to sleep every night, when he **_did_**  sleep at all.”

“He will. At least once more he will. Whether he wants it or not.” He said and his voice broke at the mere thought, tears falling from his cat-eyes. “And when he does, the pain I feel now, his anguish and mine combined, will feel like nothing…”

“Is that why you let him go?” She asked, understanding his unspoken words. “So it won’t hurt when he dies?”

He flinched at her words, looking even more pained, and nodded.

“Magnus…” She said patiently. “You can’t do that. You said you’ve never loved anyone the way you love him. If that’s true, how can you forget about him and magically not care when he dies? All you will manage to do will be to live miserably for the next years and then mourn his death anyway if you hear about it. And I know you will. You are the High Warlock of Brooklyn after all. One day you will be called to the Institute to create a portal and he won’t be there. Instead, you may see me or Jace clad in white, and no longer smiling.”

“Stop it, please, stop…” He said hiding his face in his hands.

“No.” She said, not unkindly. “Because if you can’t even bear to think about it now, what will you do then? The pain is one thing. But the regret? Will you be able to live, knowing you forever lost the chance to be with the love of your life because you were afraid? I won’t let you do this to neither yourself nor Alec.”

“But what else can I do?” He whimpered softly, still not looking at her.

She sat down beside him, gently running her fingers through his hair, soothing him, and whispered. “I know it’s cruel. And I’m so sorry… I wish he was a Warlock like you instead of a Shadowhunter, so you wouldn’t have to go through that. But he’s not. He **is**  a Shadowhunter and he loves you. Just like you love him. Don’t sentence both of you to a lifetime without love. I promise you it will be worth it. You make each other happy, just by existing in the same space. I’ve seen it, and I want to see it again. You can’t give up on him.”

He nodded dropping his hands from his face and looking down at them. “You’re right…” He muttered. “He is worth the pain. All the pain in the world. And if his death ends up killing me, dying for love is better than dying of regrets, right?”

“Right.” She agreed. “But don’t think of that now.” Izzy said and smiled at him. “Think of what to wear because we’re going back right now so you can undo the spell and make everything right again.”

“Whoa. Wait.” Magnus said, regaining a little of his old spark, just by thinking he’d be with Alec again, soon. “I’m not undoing the spell.”

“What are you talking about? Of course you are.”

“There is **no** way I will cause him unnecessary pain like that. He’s finally happy.”

“Have you even been listening to me for the past hour? **_You_** make him happy. He doesn’t need some stupid spell for that. All he needs is you to stay by his side. To love him.”

“What about Max?” He asked softly.

“This pain is part of who he is." She said without hesitation. "It’s the proof of his love for Max. You shouldn't take it away, no matter how much you want to protect him. You know he wouldn’t want this.”

“I guess you’re right…” He sighed giving up. “Fine then. Let’s go.” He clicked his fingers and a wave of blue magic surrounded him.

Once it faded away, his hair was perfectly styled and his makeup was on point. He was wearing a dark red dress shirt with most its buttons unfastened, revealing his toned chest and stomach, combined with a tight pair of jeans.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “You could do that, yet kept spending hours getting ready before?”

“Of course I could. But where’s the fun in it?” He smirked.

She raised an eyebrow in silent question.

“There’s no time for fun now.” Magnus explained. “I need to see him as soon as possible.”

“How fast the night changes…”

“Don’t mock me Shadowhunter.”

She laughed. “Fine, High Warlock. Now let’s go fix everything.”

**~o~O~o~O~o~**

“He’s probably in his room.” Izzy said when they entered the Institute, and they headed there together.

She knocked on the door and Alec answered it a moment later. “Izzy? What’s wrong?” He asked before his eyes fell on Magnus. “Oh… Magnus. Hey.” He muttered taking his appearance in, blushing slightly as his eyes rested on the Warlock’s unblemished chest.

“Hello Alexander.” Magnus purred and Alec’s eyes snapped back on his face as he blushed more, saying nothing.

Izzy smirked looking at them and took a step back, lightly shoving Magnus towards the room. “My work here is done. I’ll see you two later.” She said and walked away.

“Can we talk?” Magnus asked once they were alone.

“Sure.” The Nephilim answered entering the room and gesturing for Magnus to follow. They both sat down on his bed, avoiding each other’s eyes.

Surprisingly, it was Alec who broke the silence. “I thought you never wanted to see me again.” He said.

“And how do you feel about that?”

“I don’t know…” Alec muttered looking confused. “I **do** love you.” He confessed making Magnus’ heart flutter. Even affected by the spell his love hadn’t faded. “But… I’m okay with it?” He went on unsure. “Wait. No. Why?” He grabbed his head folding over himself. “No. This isn’t right. I **_love you_**. I shouldn’t be okay with it. Mags… Why…?” He convulsed, still clutching his head. “My head… What’s wrong with me?”


	5. Such a pleasant dream

_‘It’s not possible…’_ Magnus stared at him shocked for a mere moment before hugging him tightly, soothing. “Sh, sh, sh… Hush baby, don’t think, it’s going to be okay, I’m so sorry…”

“My head…” Alec whimpered softly, hugging Magnus back, holding on to him like a lifeline.

“Hush…” He crooned. “Close your eyes love. Trust me.”

Alec obeyed, pressing his forehead on Magnus’ chest, seeing stars behind his closed eyelids because of the overwhelming pain.

“I’m so sorry my love.” Magnus said kissing his hair, casting a spell to render him unconscious.

He gently laid him down on the bed, and began reversing the spell, hating to do it, but knowing he should, if he wanted the real Alec back.

**~o~**

Alec was muttering in his sleep, and Magnus sat beside him, running his fingers through his raven hair, trying to soothe him. Even though he was still fast asleep, Alec leaned instinctively into his touch and the Warlock smiled sadly pulling him closer. He moved his head gently, so it was resting on his legs, and he kept stroking his hair, waiting for him to wake up.

 _‘He saw through my spell…’_ He thought. _‘No one should be able to do that.’_  He couldn’t help the proud and blissful grin that formed on his face. _‘He loved me so much that he was able to almost break the spell because he knew he should be feeling pain. No one has been strong enough to almost break one of my spells before.’_  He stopped stroking his hair and leaned down to press a kiss on his forehead. “My Angel…” He whispered mostly to himself, not wishing to wake him, but Alec’s eyes fluttered and opened anyway.

“Mags…?” He muttered looking up at him, his eyes still bleary.

“I’m here sweetheart.” He crooned, petting his hair again.

To Magnus’ surprise, Alec closed his eyes and snuggled closer to him. “Such a nice dream…” He sighed. “It feels so real.”

 _‘Oh.’_  Magnus thought, realisation setting in, before deciding to just go with it. “Baby… Can I talk to you?”

Alec opened his eyes again, looking up at him and then got up abruptly, sitting beside him. “No. I don’t want to talk. There’s no time. I missed you.” He grabbed the warlock’s face and kissed him passionately, pouring all his love and longing into the kiss.

Magnus gasped, taken aback once more, his cat-eyes widening. And then with a sigh, he closed them again, surrendering to the kiss, forgetting he was supposed to be telling Alec it wasn’t a dream, forgetting he should be fighting to get him back. For a blissful moment, the battle seemed won already.

Alec’s hands wandered under and over his shirt, undoing the rest of the buttons and caressing his chest, and Magnus’ lust-filled mind snapped out of it.

“Wait…” He muttered against Alec’s lips between kisses as the Nephilim kept nibbling at his lower lip.

“I want you…” Alec whispered kissing him again and again, and Magnus almost forgot once more, why he was trying to stop him.

“Alexander…” His lover’s name fell off his lips in a broken moan as Alec’s wondering hands touched him. “Please wait.” He finally managed to get the words out. “Stop.”

The Shadowhunter froze, pulling back to look at him, and Magnus felt his heart constrict. His beloved looked so beautiful like that, cheeks flushed and lips red and swollen from kissing, but his eyes… Once more, there was pain and fear in his beautiful blue eyes.

“So it’s one of **_those_** dreams after all.” He muttered, and the heartbroken look on his face broke Magnus’ heart all over again.

“What do you mean?” He asked softly.

“This is where you tell me to disappear from your sight because I’ve wasted enough of your time already.”

“What…?”

“I thought it might be different this time.” Alec went on, dejected. “But I guess that’s the way it always ends.”

Magnus looked at him pained, and then deciding that any verbal answer wouldn't be good enough, pulled him closer kissing him with everything he had.

“What…?” Alec muttered afterwards, at a loss for words, not expecting another kiss.

“No.” Magnus said breathlessly. “This is not one of those dreams.”

“Then why…?”

“I wanted to talk to you. And my mind can’t function enough to talk when you’re kissing me like that.”

“Like what…?” Alec asked, staring at him dazed.

“Like I’m all you need to survive.”

“But you are…”

Magnus made a pained sound and kissed him once more. “Alec, my Alec, my Alexander… I’m so sorry…”

“Why?” He asked again when Magnus pulled back from him, still cradling his face softly.

“I need you to listen to me.” Magnus said gravely. “And I need you to believe me. This is really important.”

Alec nodded, his eyes never leaving the Warlock’s. “Okay.”

“I love you.” He said taking Alec’s hands and kissing them, making the Nephilim stare at him in wonder. “I love you, and I **need** you. I can’t live without you. I don’t want to.”

Alec shook his head. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do.”

“But you said… No. You know what? It doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t matter…?” Magnus asked, feeling a stab of pain. “So… You don’t care about me anymore?”

“Of course I do! I will always love you no matter what! But this here, now, is just a dream. I won’t be swayed by false hopes again. It will just hurt more in the morning when you’re gone.”

“Alec.” Magnus said squeezing his hands. “ **Look**  at me. This is not a dream. It’s real.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“So stubborn.” Magnus sighed. “Fine then. I’m sorry in advance baby.” He kissed Alec’s hand again as the Shadowhunter looked at him confused.

“What are you talking ab- **OUCH!** What the **Hell** Magnus?” He exclaimed, pulling his hand back.

Magnus laughed despite everything, at the scandalised look on Alec’s face and reached out to take his hand again. The Nephilim let him, despite looking at him cautiously. “You’d better not bite me again.” He said pouting, making the Warlock laugh again.

Magnus kissed the back of his hand to soothe the pain where he bit him and smirked. “I thought you loved it when I did before.”

“Not on the hand!” He exclaimed before realising what he said and blushed crimson. “Shut up.” He muttered embarrassed while Magnus snickered. “What was that for anyway?” He asked, trying to change the subject.

“It hurt, didn’t it?”

“Of course it did.”

“You can’t feel pain in dreams Alexander.”

“Oh…” He said lowly, understanding. “Then...”

“Yes.”

“But you said…”

“I know… And I’m so sorry my love. I said many painful things.”

“No.” Alec said, softly touching his lips. “I’m the one who should apologise. But I need you to know the truth first. Why I did it.” He sighed. “I only wanted to know more about you, and since you refused to talk to me, she was the only one who could help me. I know I was wrong to trust her. I caused you pain without meaning to and I swear I’ll die before hurting you again.”

Magnus kissed him, cutting his words off.

“No. No more talk of dying. I’ve had enough of that to last for the next ten years. If you want to talk, just tell me you love me.”

“Can I show you too?” Alec smiled at him, his blue eyes shining.

“I’d love that.” Magnus answered, smiling back at him.

Alec cupped his face, softly caressing his cheekbones with his thumbs and leaned closer pressing a kiss on his forehead. “I love you.” He whispered, his voice full of reverence and kissed his eyes that fell closed as Magnus sighed contently. “I love you.” He said again and kissed his cheek. “I love you so much.” He said once more, before finally kissing his lips.

Magnus melted against his touch as he kissed him back, feeling the pieces of his broken heart healing with every kiss they shared.

“I love you.” Magnus said when they separated to breathe, because it was the truth, and because he knew Alec needed to hear it again too, now that he knew he wasn't dreaming. “I love you more than anything. I’m never letting you go again.”

The Nephilim smiled at him once more, resting his forehead against his’. “It’s a promise.”


End file.
